6/29/24

I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me. I woke up seconds before my alarm, and got up to pee. Yet I layed back down for “five more minutes” and ended up being late. Again. Am I self sabotaging?

Well as I’m getting ready to leave my second stop I was told that our carts had to be picked up today. Even though the driver was planning on not doing so. I had to give him a call and we were able to get him there. While he was loading I was chatting with him and the manager.

Talking about self sabotaging I have a really bad habit of falling for people I know I have no chance with. Well I mean let’s be honest I could fall for anyone and that would be true. I do tend however to fall for people that it’s certain I have no chance.

The manager at my second stop today is my current crush. I actually don’t fall often, but the track record is there. The last crush I had was my boss at my last job. I had known her since we were in high school. We had been working together a couple of years before one day I just realized oh my God I really like her.

One day I saw her reading a paper and reaching one arm above her head to reach something off a high shelf. I had the sudden urge to press her up against the shelf and kiss her. I had never had that urge before with anyone. And I was in my late 20s at this point.

I knew however that she pretty much hated me so that was that. My feelings for her only grew the next couple years. In my own mind I see myself as being extremely obvious. So I wouldn’t doubt it if she knew. Though neither of us ever said anything.

I think I probably come across as just a big idiot to everyone. I can’t blame them, I see myself that way a lot too. I do still have a crush on my former boss. Which has been about 5 years now. But I’m aware that it’s never going to happen. Much like all and any other crushes I’ve ever had.

To eat my feelings I decided to get dairy Queen for lunch. But when I got there they had to refund my order because they were unable to make food. I’m a bit sad. Not necessarily about the food, I mean it would have been nice. About life in general I suppose.

After work I decided to do a little doordash. I dashed for an hour and a half and I made $55. The last dash of the night took me halfway home. The tip was supposed to be 20 bucks which I thought was great but it turned out that there was a hidden tip! It was actually like 26! That made my night it was so great. $26 to deliver food! I hope I’m that well off someday!

I really wanted to keep gashing but it was 7:00 and I needed to get home. I also really need to pee. I’m trying so hard not to pee myself. I think I’m going to have to pull over I’m not going to make it.

When my bladder decides it needs to go, it needs to go. I was successfully able pee into an empty dunkin cup (oh the circle of life) and then dumped it out the window.

Before I got home I stopped at P’s house. He needed help adjusting the incubator. He is trying to hatch some guinea hen chicks for his friend. It is time to take the turner out of the incubator. It’s a tricky procedure take out the eggs and then take out the turner and put the eggs back in and get the cover back on all before they have a significant drop in temperature. We have it pretty down packed.

When I got home I was planning on taking a shower quick, but I realized I forgot to get dinner for the kids (animals). So T and I ran to the store for it. Then I was able to shower, feed the kids, and go to bed. What a day.

Best: $27 tip on my order!

Worst: letting the sad thoughts get to me a little

Good deed: I saw a younger homeless guy sitting in the rain. he seemed very upset. I only had two dollars on me but gave it to him. I told him to have a good day and through tears he said he was trying. I feel really bad for him.

6/24/24

The storm last night got a little chaotic. The power flickered like crazy and kept going out. Z sent me a video of a transformer surging outside his house. He lives right around the corner from me. It was pretty insane.

I got to my first stop on time (for once I know) but the delivery didn’t show up for a bit longer. The order was huge. Even bigger than last weeks! It’s insane. By the time I left I had a migraine starting. I took Excedrin, hit up Starbucks, then headed to my second stop. The weather is super nice today so far. I think I forgot to take my meds.

When I left my second stop I definitely had a minor grade migraine on the rise. Totally forgot my meds this morning. Guess I can’t have it all, on time and meds??

I grabbed a drink from dunks and headed to my third (and last) stop of the day. I was hoping to take both the bunnies out for a walk but it’s looking like it may rain. I’m having a little anxiety that my implant may be coming loose. I texted the dentist early this morning, but haven’t heard back.

The manager at my last stop is back from her vacation. I was talking to her and she must’ve noticed that I’m talking a little weird because she said “what’s wrong with your face?”. Not gonna lie, that hurt.

After work I tried to doordash a little. The orders were shit though. I ended up doing two, making $18 in an hour. The last one took me halfway home so I said screw it. I picked up the bunnies and was going to take them to the park but P wanted to go and can’t walk good.

We ended up going to E’s store. A couple of my friends from Sam’s were there and they played with the bunnies. Then I  took them to PetSmart. We stopped by a park on the way back and I took a picture with them under the tree. I liked it.

We were going to swing by the 333 Dunkin’. When we got there the kid refused to make our order cause he was closing in 90 minutes. Damn, I didn’t know making two medium refreshers was so taxing. Well there $7 I’m never getting back. Which I can say confidently since I still haven’t been refunded the 5/18 fiasco.

We are all pretty tired so we’re heading home. Dropping off P first. Then will watch Bobs Burgers and drift off to sleep. 😴

Best: Taking the bunnies out

Worst: forgetting my meds

6/21/24

I woke up around 1:30am and realized I was biting hard. I think maybe my brain knew there was something in my mouth and that I was asleep. Trying to secure it perhaps so I didn’t choke? My bottom teeth are sore now regardless.

While I was awake something white caught my eye through the gap above my ac. I looked but didn’t see anything so figured perhaps it was just headlights reflecting over the lawn. As I turned to get back into bed I saw it again. I looked closer and saw a large white object moving swiftly over the lawn. Moved like a fox but was large like a bear. But white as a ghost. Surreal. I ran downstairs to make sure the dog was still inside, he was. I wonder what it was.

I was told to be at my club store for 5 because there would be a delivery. The delivery did not show up until 6:30. It was pleasant enough though. I stopped by Starbucks and grabbed breakfast before going to my second stop. I ran into my boss who had stopped by.

I haven’t weighed myself since my three day nap a couple weeks ago. I think I’m losing weight though cause my legs appear thinner. Maybe it’s all the walking.

It’s not as hot out as yesterday, but it’s still pretty hot. 84°f. I had to stop at the gas station to take an emergency bathroom break in between stops 2 and 3. I think my implant might be coming loose, or maybe it’s just my gums getting used to it. Trying not to think about it.

I can’t believe how many people who has perfectly good teeth tell me that they want implants. I guess I can see the appeal from an outside perspective. Good teeth, no maintenance? That’s not exactly the reality though. I’ll start with that. They still require special cleaning, and use of a water pick to make sure food doesn’t get lodged between them and the gums. Not to mention the whole process is incredibly painful and taxing. The biggest thing for me personally is though, they’re not teeth. Sure they look like it, but their not. It’s just something screwed into your skull to resemble them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than nothing. Though I would much prefer the real thing.

By 2:30 I was headed to my final stop and I remembered that I don’t have to work tomorrow. My boss was able to get me that personal day after all. Sweet!

After work Z and I walked up to the town carnival that is held every year. It’s bittersweet cause I have so many childhood memories of this yearly tradition, but it was A’s favorite event of the year. I miss her, I can’t believe it’s been over a year since her passing.

We.walked around the carnival and then met with T and walked around some more. There wasn’t much to see. afterwards we walked Z home and then I took T to grab a pizza for dinner

Best: going to the carnival with Z & T

Worst: Going into work early for a delivery that turned out to be an hour and a half late.

Gigi & Nate – movie thoughts

I saw a clip on tiktok of a movie I thought looked interesting. In the clip, a disabled boy and his mom were in a grocery store. The boy was accompanied by a service animal, a small monkey. A woman got mad and confronted the family about the animal. Later it showed the same angry woman protesting the service animal outside the family home.

I instantly ran to the comments to see if anyone had offered the name of the movie. Thankfully someone had done just that. The clip was from “Gigi & Nate”. The commenter also provided the info that it’s streaming on Hulu.

One of the first things that caught my eye in the movie was the father. He looked so familiar. I racked my brain for the whole opening thirty minutes. I was certain it was Jim Belushi, but it couldn’t be. He’s dead. Isn’t he? I was absolutely certain that he was. So I googled the movie and, HE LIVES!

About halfway through the movie I realized that the monkey might just be CGI in some scenes. It’s amazing how flawless it is! Im pretty sure this wasn’t a big production, but you wouldn’t be able to tell.

So rarely am I drawn into a movie and moved to emotion. I actually felt invested in the stakes and outcomes of the story. I was glued to the screen and couldn’t look away.

When the end of the movie came, it was a real ‘feel good’ ending. It made me smile, and I felt satisfied with the outcome. That’s also when I learned that this is a true story.

The acting is amazing, the special effects are incredible, the editing, score, and overall quality is just superb. As someone who struggles with ADHD, I find it hard to focus on things such as movies. Even in the theater, I’ll need a trip to the bathroom for a break. Though this movie, which is long at 2 hours, commanded my attention every second.

Im not great at reviewing things. Which is why I opted to make this my thoughts, not a review. Though if I were to give it a rating I would go 5/5 stars!